Those Advice from My Dad Which Rescued Us as a First-Time Parent

"I believe I was merely in survival mode for twelve months."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

However the truth quickly became "completely different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health complications around the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, each diaper… each outing. The duty of both parents," Ryan shared.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. It was a chat with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good place. You must get assistance. What can I do to help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the pressure on moms and about PND, not enough is spoken about the difficulties fathers go through.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a larger failure to communicate among men, who continue to hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just takes the pounding and doesn't fall with each wave."

"It's not a sign of failure to ask for help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to admit they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a mother and child - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's chat with his dad gave him the space to request a pause - taking a few days overseas, away from the home environment, to gain perspective.

He came to see he had to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he discovered he'd overlooked "what she needed" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That insight has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to better grasp the language of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without stable male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father found it hard to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, affecting their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions led him to make "poor choices" when in his youth to alter how he felt, turning in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You turn to behaviours that don't help," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you feel overwhelmed, tell a friend, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the activities that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. Examples include playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the body - nutritious food, getting some exercise and if you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your mental state is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - sharing their stories, the challenges, as well as the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that seeking help isn't failing - looking after yourself is the optimal method you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably found it hard to accept the death, having not spoken to him for many years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his boy and instead provide the security and emotional support he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a meltdown, for example, they try "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

Each of Ryan and Stephen state they have become better, healthier men because they faced their struggles, altered how they talk, and learned to manage themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I wrote, sometimes I believe my job is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a exchange. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."